Hot Fat

Judaism is a great excuse to eat high-calorie food. It’s one of the benefits: On one hand, your language doesn’t have vowels or a “to be” verb in the present tense. On the other hand you get to cook Potato Latkes in huge amounts and can claim that it’s for religious reasons.

Potato latkes (pancakes) are best eaten much hot- get your designated eaters to stand around waiting for you before you make them.

1. Peel three medium baking potatoes and grate them. Squeeze out the extra liquid

2. Add half a grated or finely chopped white onion, some salt, pepper, and Vegeta if you’ve got it. By now you should definitely have some, just buy it already.

3. Add two eggs. Stir the whole thing up, and add say, three tablespoons of flour.

4. Heat some peanut oil in a large shallow frying pan and make a test latke- drop a teaspoon full of mix on the pan, flip when the underside is golden brown and crunchy. Add extra salt and stuff if you need it.

5. Drain them on huge stacks of paper towels. Eat them with apple sause.

6. Burn your tongue and curse fluently till someone gives you a gin and tonic.