Dad's Backyard Burgers - A FUD Snipe Hunt

Video gamers of a certain vintage remember the thrill of playing "Duke Nukem 3D" back in the mid-Nineties. Aliens have invaded Los Angeles, and, as Duke, your job is to kill every single pixilated alien and mutant in town. Duke was based not-too-loosely on Bruce Campbell's "Ash" in the Evil Dead movies, and various lines from the movies appeared in the game. The game was respected in that genre for its varied scenery and backgrounds, its goofy sense of humor, and the implementation of strategy and stealth rather than just a quick trigger finger.

Like anything else that becomes successful in Los Angeles, a sequel was planned. 3D Realms, Duke's programmers, announced in 1997 that "Duke Nukem Forever" would come out in the next year. The video game trade magazines fought for exclusive looks at the highly-anticipated game. Fanboys debated the pros and cons of various graphics technologies the game would incorporate. Players salivated over screen shots and game trailers like Atkins' Dieters at a steakhouse.

In the past ten years, Duke Nukem Forever has been delayed more than a smoking Green Line train. Countless technology changes, programmers coming and going, different publishing houses getting involved, and, by 2007, there's still no playable, purchasable Duke Nukem Forever. The official stance is that the game will come out "when it's done;" this, in an industry where other companies like Electronic Arts can turn out new versions of Madden football and Tiger Woods golf every year.

Over in nearby Merrifield, Virginia, there's a restaurant version of "Duke Nukem Forever." Dad's Backyard Burgers, located by Pilin Thai and ZPizza on Gallows Road has been tempting burger lovers for a couple of years with its signs declaring that Dad will be coming soon.

Apparently, we are the collective Telemachus while Dad Odysseus is off fighting the Trojans. Logic would dictate that if folks like Roberto Donna and Jose' Andres can open new restaurants and relocate existing ones in a matter of months, surely a simple burger joint in the `burbs shouldn't take more than a few weeks to open, right?

Who are the Trojans keeping Dad adrift? Or did Dad's visit to Circe result in a cannibalistic, yet unlimited supply of bacon cheeseburgers? The folks on Chowhound found this plan by the Virginia DOT to redo that busy intersection at Gallows and Lee Highway, effectively putting an access road through the middle of the fry vat. Still, just because V-DOT has a plan for those roads, that hasn't stopped other businesses in the affected strip (Carvel, 7-11, Pizza Hut, plus the others previously mentioned) from operating. Perhaps Dad's business name was a little too close for comfort for the folks at Backyard Burgers.

I drive by that intersection about once a month, and every once in a while, there's a little slice of activity at Dad's. The brown paper that had covered the windows was pulled back, exposing a few small tables and home-style wallpaper. The cash registers look brand new, and blueprints rest on the counter, and other than some finishing work, the place looks like it could open in a couple of days. But the Help Wanted sign offers a phone number that has been disconnected, and no forwarding number is provided.

Hopefully the folks behind Dad's Backyard Burgers will see this, plus the threads on Chowhound, and let us know their side of the story.