Pumpkin Tacos and Desperation

This is a great, extremely simple fall dish, which requires very little attention while cooking, so you can pay attention to that delicious-looking vegetarian (or omnivore) you duped into coming for dinner. You'll need:

1 medium pie pumpkin
1 (or more) Serrano pepper
1 medium bell pepper
1/2 a yellow squash
1 medium scallion
2 cloves garlic
Oil
Light soy sauce
White wine
Flour tortillas
Parmesan cheese
A date (that you're not paying)

Before your date arrives, cut your pumpkin into quarters, remove the seeds (roast separately if you like), and roast it in the oven until about 3/4 done - some char, but still pretty firm. Let it cool while you dice your pepper, squash, scallions, and garlic. It's still not cool enough yet; you might as well go take a shower so that you don't stink so foully.

By the time your intended victim arrives, the pumpkin should be cool enough, so peel and cube it. You should probably pour drinks now too. You need all the help you can get.

Back in the kitchen, heat up a few tablespoons of oil in a large sauce pan on high, and set a sautée pan on another burner at medium heat with a splash of oil. Take time to make clever conversation. When the oil is very hot, add your Serranos and 3/4 of the scallions, frying for about 30 seconds. When your spices have fried enough, add half as much soy sauce as you added oil, letting all that reduce for another 30 seconds or so, and tossing some garlic into your sautée pan.

Now, add your bell pepper and squash, tossing briefly to get oil and garlic all over. Add your pumpkin to the large pan and put a loose-fitting lid on each vessel. Spend five minutes cleaning your workspace, you sloppy bastard: your date will be impressed with your conscientiousness. After that stir each of your dishes a few times and re-cover them. Use five more minutes to explain the videos you forgot to hide.

Come back to stir the pumpkin, and toss the remaining scallions in with the squash and peppers. Go pour more drinks and glare longingly for three minutes, then spend two more plating a couple of tortillas and sprinkling them with grated parmesan. The squash and peppers should be nice and caramelized now, so remove them to a bowl. Stir the pumpkin again and spend however much more time it needs to set the table. Make clever conversation the whole time, but remember to be yourself (unless you're insufferable...ok, just be someone else).

When the pumpkin is nice and tender and falling apart, it's done. Put it on your tortillas with some squash and pepper mix and then, while those relax and melt the cheese for a bit, deglaze your pumpkin pan with some white wine. The deglazing liquid makes a good sauce base, but really you're only doing this to impress your date. Make sure the plume of steam is visible.

Serve your tacos with a basic salad in a vinegary dressing and a boutique beer. Also, make sure that your date drinks a lot, and you both have a breath-cleansing dessert.