Clearly, the problem with America’s growing waistline was that the government’s guidelines were just too simple. Where’s the fun in that? In an effort to combat this thoughtcrime, Chef Big Brother presents the ominous-sounding Food Guidance System. And it turns out vertical is the new horizontal. And while our forebearers had to make do with a mere single pyramid, citizens can now choose between… twelve?
Confused yet? I didn’t even mention the colors and the symbols. We live in interesting times. Read some overviews at the Washington Post, or CBS. Or, if you are feeling brave, let the USDA take you inside the pyramid…
At this time, there has been no comment from the Puppet Formerly Known as Cookie Monster.
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20Apr
5 Responses
I love that we are color coding everything now. The french fries I had last night should be categorized under code orange, as they represent a specific, credible threat to my waistline and risk of heart disease.
That pyramid does more for gay pride than it ever will for good nutrition. I think I saw an early mockup hanging up outside hamburger mary’s last week.
We gotta keep those nutritionists employed somehow I guess- otherwise they’ll be lounging around sleezy smoothie bars and holding up little kids for their milk money (skim).
I just know one day I’m going to get my Food Guidance System color codes mixed up with my Terror Alert Codes, and wacky hijinx will ensue.
hmmm…I could see Jerry Fallwell and others coming out against the color pyramid as promoting the gay lifestyle. Its awful flashy!