The other night I came home, out of the bitter cold and falling snow, and (predictably) wanted dinner. Since it was so cold and nasty out, I did not want to go to the store to buy ingredients, and so I just started looking through my cookbook collection for ideas. One jumped out at me: crab cakes.
Being a good almost-Bay-Area kid, I love me some crab cakes. The problem, of course was that the only listed ingredients I actually had in my kitchen were oil and green onions. So, as per my usual M.O., I decided to improvise. What follows is my version:
1 can white albacore tuna, drained.
1 habanero pepper, chopped.
3 green onions, chopped.
Garlic salt.
Fresh ground pepper.
1 tbsp mayo.
2 tbsp grapefruit juice.
Half cup of walnuts, powdered in your food processor.
Shape into ball. Sautee in oil until brown, bake on a greased pan at 450 for 7 min on each side. Garnish with Old Bay Seasoning.
I recommend that you use 2 eggs instead of the mayo, as that will ‘glue’ the cake together better. For those who keep such things around, a sprinkle of breadcrumbs would help too.

Been outside recently? By choice?
It’s nasty out there. Can’t get off work, can’t ski, and the snowballs won’t pack. These are the days when you drag the stereo into the kitchen, close the door, and heat the oven.
Scones
It’s pronounced Skahn, no O. Rhymes with nothing I know of. Overheard at the family reunion:
“Aye…you *can* call it a skown…but only if you’re poncey. Or English.”
“How can that be?” you say, “When I was in England everyone called it a Skown!” (1)
Yes, they did. But scones aren’t English. You’re thinking of crumpets.
Dry:
2 cups all-purpose flour
2-1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3 tsp white sugar
2 tsp brown sugar
–1/3 cup walnuts, chopped finely (optional)
3/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/4 cup butter (cold)
Wet:
2 eggs
1/3 cup milk or cream
Topping (2)
2 tablespoons butter (melted)
2 tablespoons molasses [or treacle, better yet, Lyle’s Golden Syrup- ejg]
Directions:

• Preheat oven.
  
• In a bowl, combine flour, sugars, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and walnuts.

• Cut in the butter until the mixture looks like coarse crumbs. (3)
• Put the eggs and milk into the flour bowl, and stir until it’s just mixed.
• Pat it into an 8 inch round on a floured surface (between 0.5″ and 1″ high).

Don’t knead the dough–you aren’t making a yeast bread. Because they’re quick-breads scones get their lift from the carbon-dioxide released from the baking soda and their texture is a result of the butter melting and leaving little pockets.(4)

• Brush or dribble the topping onto the dough circle.
• Cut the round into eight wedges.
• Separate the wedges and place them onto a greased cookiesheet. (5)
• Let the little wedges rest on the cookie sheet for 10 minutes.
• Bake at 450 degrees(6) for 13-17 minutes, or until golden brown. 7)

Store them in a paper bag on the counter. If they get dry just toast ’em. I like to layer the bottom of the dough with raisins before I press it into a round.. When you press it out on the counter the raisins stick into the bottom and cook into the scones.(8)
—————————————————
(1) In hindsight this could have been directed at Z. It’s not.
(2)You don’t have to use any topping but if you don’t you should coat the top of the scones with melted butter. It will keep them from getting dry flaky skin.*
(3) I use the weird sex-toy looking wire thing on the right. I strongly reccomend buying one for all your butter cutting needs**
(4)If you knead the dough the warmth from your hands will melt the butter and you get something between matzo meal and play-dough.****
(5) Better yet, don’t ruin your girlfriend’s expensive cookie sheet. Throw down some tin foil or a high-temp silpat, as the molassas has a nasty tendency to spill and burn.
(6)That’s 232 degrees for you Continental folk.
(7) Toothpick test!
(8) Others like to put walnuts into the dough or chopped candied orange rind (sourer is better)
———————————————–
* Think of it as lubriderm for your baking
** It’s called a pastry cutter and they come in cut sheet metal or wire. You could also try to cut the butter into the recipe with a pair of knives. You can do anything if you try long enough… [I’ve done it and it’s not that difficult -ejg]
***If you’re having trouble with your piecrust (also an un-yeasted bread type thingy) try rolling it out on a cold surface. The butter will flatten into sheets without melting into the dough. In the dripping height of summer in DC I have resorted to freezing the rolling pin and setting icepacks on the counter until it’s chilled.

Remember when you were younger and your parents used to trick you into eating food you didn

While dandruff is just fine for making Maple Syrup Candy, I prefer snow. Making candy is easier than shoveling, and you have to get rid of it somehow (the snow, not the dandruff, for which shoveling should only be used for the most extreme cases). When you’re snowed in this weekend thanks to weather-induced metro shutdowns, you can crunch away on this stuff comfortable in the knowledge that you’re doing your part to keep the walkway clear.

• Fill a large flat tray with well packed snow
  
• Pour about two cups of maple syrup into a saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring constantly

• Test if it’s hot enough by pouring a dollop on the snow. It should stay on the surface, hardening into a pretty amber squiggle. If it sinks into the snow you have a snow cone. Tasty, but it won’t get you out of shoveling.
  
• When the syrup starts staying on the snow’s surface when you apply it, pour the rest out in long thin strips. As soon as it cools, remove and dry the pieces.

On Saturday, I got ventured to fellow F

It’s amazing how many children’s stories revolve around food. There was the story of “Stone Soup”, where a wandering soldier duped villagers into pitching in a potato here, a carrot there to add to his simple meal of rocks and water. There was Frances the bear, who would only eat bread and jam for dinner, until one day she discovered she actually liked eating veal cutlets along with all the grown-ups. Even Harry Potter has his Butterbeer and Everyflavor Beans.
When I was a kid, my favorite food-friendly fable was “Dragon Stew,” a now-out-of-print story my mother read to my sister and me. Years later, it’s hard to remember the details of the tale, but I do remember the twist: Dragon Stew was not, in fact, stew made from dragon meat, but rather stew cooked by a dragon chef. My mother would drag my sister and me into the kitchen, convincing us to help with mealtime by letting one of us “be the dragon” for the evening. Her cajoling paid off – now you have to drag me OUT of the kitchen.
Here’s the recipe for Dragon Stew, courtesy of my childhood.
Some people like their stew more potato-heavy than the recipe requires. Instead, I top mine with good, old Bisquick-box dumplings. It feels a bit like cheating, but hey, that

Maranoia